Ups and Downs..but mostly Staying Idle

 Like the title said. Thats sums up everything.

From my last posting, tahun 2020...and bbaaammm! now its 2024.

I can say that my life nowadays a more to covering up a hole. Its not too big of a hole. Just a seldom appearing hole. Lubang lubang yang bukan dari aku sendiri.

The biggest I would say from my family. Trust me. life has its own way to F everything up. even its involving your own family. The time im writing this, its 10 days away from raya. and I am totally stopped wishing for any beautiful raya moment. Im just living in my childhood memories of raya. Nothing can beats that. And after everything...I kinda regret to take everything lightly. 

Regret.

I wish I was mature enough to understands the meaning of regrets. How heavy the meaning is when it comes to have regrets till you die.

Anyways...apart from family. I think things ripples from there. I kinda feels that everything makes sense. WHY I am like this? towards everything? because..well...i was thought that way. the BIGGEST thing I wanna do from 2022 is well...to UNLEARN anything most of my life.

I kinda lost interest to write though. Things are too complicated to throw here.

But, as title said..i am more of in idle mode now.

Note to self : I am soo sorry you cant wish for happiness anymore dear self...lets wish for...be able to survive everything. You will read this post again next time and smile, cuz well...you made it that far!!

XOXO

here we go again

this is...the fourth time i guess.

i kept forgetting did i deleted my blog or did i archive it or something? i have-- no idea.


but anyway, life has been crazy. i tell you. crazy. it is already 2020 now. who would have thought life can go until 2020? i mean, when i was 12 year old. i was always thinking on what will my 28 years old self will be in 2020.

i have alwaysss thought life will be easier when we grew older. who never thought of it? get out.

be a wife
got a job, not the best but i got money
travel, next is in 4 weeks time!
has a kid (nephew) = almost feeling like having a kid
move out to another house, rental one but close enough

most of it, im living my life. i didnt even have time to write a blog. who even wrote a blog nowadays. people vlogging, twitting (apparently this still in) and mostly just sharing story in ig of fb.

who would even thought this 'story' thingy will be booming in 2020. snap a video or picture. whole world can see your daily updates. but of the time, it just a story that we choose to show to people. only your small circle knows you best. and..it might even be the smallest circle. duh-- it might even only you knows whats happening in your life.

when life is tough, mostly is when i felt alone.

back then, i can choose to work or not to work. i mean..i still able to fed myself though. because..well, my parents is there. now, its totally different. if i didnt work, i will not even able to eat. i can stand not to dress good but not to not eating good. i am alllll about eating good nowadays.

well, yeah i gained weight. of course. hahah. what did you expect?

being almost 28 years old. theres tons of things i want to have and to do. but most of it, i need to let go few things and need to held tight things as well. why you asked?

simply because that what life is.

to get something, you must let go what you already has. by far-- the biggest lesson ive learnt through out my life.

i got nothing more to share. just basically a pray.

i hope whoever still reading my blog = to always be happy. no matter what you do, what happened, i pray everyone to be blessed and may Allah ease everyone of your journey.

in return, pls pray for me as well. because all i want, is to be happy.

till next time

xoxo